tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-70457764260270910872024-03-12T21:49:38.624-05:00 Mrs.Mroch Life as a MoM (Mom of Multiples), band wife and middle school teacher.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-8570833825499402722014-02-09T19:56:00.000-06:002014-02-09T19:56:11.350-06:00Winter ONEderlandLogan and Leigh Allyn celebrated their first birthday on 1.19.14. I had so much fun planning and executing the "Winter ONEderland" celebration. I probably drove everyone crazy in my months-long quest for everything red and aqua. I can't help but reflect on how exceedingly lucky we are to have healthy, happy one year olds. A year ago, we were facing some scary possibilities that go along with such early babies.<br />
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They aren't quite caught up to other babies their actual age but we still get to use the adjusted age for a while yet. It seems that they have been learning, growing and changing so quickly for the last few weeks. They are happy babies and love to play with each other and their daycare friends.</div>
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One of my craft projects was to decorate their high chairs to match their party theme. They had no clue what the presents were about but loved the crinkle of tissue paper and opened a few presents on their own.</div>
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As I've learned is almost always true with twins, the smash cakes met with a mixed response. Leigh Allyn did not care for the icing in her fingers and Logan loved the destruction and managed to get all three layers destroyed by the end. He had cake and frosting from the top of his head to the bottoms of his feet.</div>
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Seriously, how did I get lucky enough to have these babies at my house every day?! People in the SAIF (Success After Infertility) world talk about survivor's guilt and the constant feeling of not being worthy to have babies when so many others would give anything for this chance. I do not know why I am so lucky and so many others are not, but I try to make up for it by being thankful every second of every day. I like to think my prayers of thanksgiving have outnumbered the times I prayed for a child. My heart is always with the women who are still waiting. </div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13296633431809302356noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-4561248241364258752013-12-07T07:45:00.000-06:002013-12-07T07:45:01.902-06:00Identity CrisisIt's me again. Nine months later. I'm having a bit of a blogger identity crisis. This blog has gone from home ideas to infertility journal to expectant mother and NICU mom without much thought for long-term planning. I know I have it in me to be a regular blogger, I just haven't figured out how to make it happen. My MIL recently pointed out that some of the IF blogs she'd followed had dropped off of the face of the earth after they got pregnant and I realized that I am guilty of the same thing. There are a few of you who were reading along, cheering for me and I left you out of the loop once the babies arrived.<br />
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L&LA are now ten months old and amazingly, perfectly happy. They have been home from the NICU for over eight months. They came home free of cords, monitors and specialists. What a miracle! <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Christmas Card Photo<br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">
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I'm going to spend some time considering the future of my blog. If I'm going to be serious about maintaining and expanding (i.e. finding some readers) or if I'm too <strike>busy </strike> lazy to keep it going.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-40987518139808883682013-02-20T19:55:00.001-06:002013-02-20T19:55:36.156-06:00One Month Update<br />
Logan and Leigh Allyn were one month old yesterday. They continue to do very well for 28-weekers. Logan has outgrown all of his breathing support and is breathing completely on his own. He weighed 3 lbs, 10 ounces last night and is growing like a weed. Leigh Allyn is on a very low setting on her nasal cannula and we're hoping to either go to a low flow cannula or try life without a cannula sometime soon. She weighs 3 lbs, 6 ounces. Both babies are eating just shy of an ounce every three hours. They now reside in the intermediate NICU, a step toward the door from the intensive NICU where they started out.<br />
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Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-40378760846609630252013-02-01T19:00:00.000-06:002013-02-01T19:00:05.100-06:00Watching Grass Grow, aka Being a NICU MomSometimes when you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, it does.<br />
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I didn't post much about being pregnant. I meant to, but just never got around to it. I stopped writing in my book (the massive Word document that has been my diary for the last couple years) too. Any time someone asked me how I was going to manage two babies, I always replied, "I'm not afraid of taking care of them when they're here. I'm more worried about being able to carry them long enough." As it turns out, that was a prophetic statement. I sailed through pregnancy all the way until 26 weeks, 4 days when a routine ultrasound revealed that my cervix was short and dilated.<br />
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After almost two weeks of hospital bedrest, Logan Andrew and Leigh Allyn Mroch were born at 28 weeks, 2 days weighing 2 lbs, 5 oz. and 2 lbs, 6 oz. They are amazing little bitties and melt my heart every single time I see them. So, my blog will once again take on a new purpose: sharing the details of being a preemie mom.<br />
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One of the nurses compared having babies in the NICU to watching the grass grow. I have found this to be absolutely true over the last two weeks. It's agonizing and brings out the impatience in me, but time is the only thing that's going to get my babies ready to come home to the nursery that's not really even ready for them. Logan, left, is what is referred to as a "wimpy white boy" in the NICU world. Thankfully, he seems to be outperforming the stereotype. He has some apnea spells and had a random infection of some sort, but seems to be doing very well.<br />
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Leigh Allyn, above, is sweetness personified. She started out with a heart murmur called a PDA that is caused by an artery that is open while in utero that is supposed to close at birth. Hers did not, as is fairly common in preemie girls. Thankfully, one round of indomethacin closed it and her murmur has disappeared.</div>
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I have settled into a routine, spending my days in the NICU and scheduling my time around pumping every two hours. Baptist Hospital and the NICU are set up to support a new mom who is pumping and I am very grateful for the support. As someone who is new to breastfeeding/pumping, I need someone to tell me what is normal, how often to pump and how much I should be getting. I knew I wanted to breastfeed before I knew that I was having preemies and I cannot imagine how I would have figured it all out had I just been sent home with two babies to feed.</div>
Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-57915781436242102572012-11-10T13:43:00.002-06:002012-11-10T13:43:27.986-06:00Life is Going to Change!Andrew and I both hate the comment, "Your life is about to change forevvvverrrr." Well, duh. We are having our first and second kids at the same time. We are adding two babies to a house that has heretofore only had puppies. Of course it's going to change. <br />
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There are several things we hate about this expression: <br />
1. It's usually said in a mocking tone by an "experienced" parent.<br />
2. It implies that we better enjoy life now because it's going to difficult/stressful/sleepless/etc. when the babies get here and ruin everything.<br />
3. It doesn't take into account the blood, sweat and tears we have gone through to get to this point. Do you really not think we have had plenty of time to consider the life-altering change that bringing multiples home will entail?<br />
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I know many, many women who are SAIFers (Success After Infertility) and, not surprisingly, they don't use this expression. Instead, they congratulate us and talk of the amazing blessing that it is to add a baby (or babies) to a household that has longed for them and prayed for them and worked for them. <br />
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Of course my life is going to change. It may be difficult and stressful and sleepless for awhile but it will also be everything I have ever wanted. I can't wait. <br />
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Pregnancy Update: things are progressing nicely and will be having our anatomy scan on 11/19. I can 't wait to see our babies looking like babies instead of the blobs they were when we last saw them. Of course, I can't wait to know their sexes but I am also anxious to know that their major organs are developing according to schedule.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-44236992272237260772012-10-02T16:15:00.002-05:002013-01-03T18:27:35.352-06:00Babies on Board!It's been quite awhile since I've posted because I've been hiding fantastic, incredible, amazing news.<br />
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I'm pregnant! Not just a little pregnant but pregnant with TWINS!!!!<br />
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After beta numbers that were perfectly average and on target for a singleton pregnancy, Andrew and I were amazed to see that both of the embryos from our Frozen Embryo Transfer stuck. The picture above is from 7weeks0days. I've since had another ultrasound and the twins continue to look right on track with perfect little heartbeats. I cried so hard when I first saw them, the u/s tech had to ask me to hold my breath so she could get the measurements. She told us that she had a 20 year-old IVF baby and that seeing our excitement made her day.<br />
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Andrew and I never imagined more than three years ago when we decided to start a family that we would travel the winding and dark road that we found ourselves on. While I would never wish what we have been through on anyone, I must admit that I have learned many lessons along the way. The Mrs. Mroch that is due April 11, 2013 is more patient, more persistent and more hopeful than the Mrs. Mroch that wanted to have a baby in April, 2010 because it was a good maternity leave for a teacher.<br />
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We are now Facebook official. I have to admit, it terrified me to openly tell people. I still have the infertile mind that is much more accustomed to bad news than to good. I have another appointment this Friday and will hopefully get to hear both heartbeats on the doppler. I will keep most pregnancy updates here rather than on Facebook because I know how it feels to see every detail of someone else's pregnancy in my news feed and I won't do that to the friends that I know are struggling.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-37668556102631455142012-06-24T09:55:00.002-05:002012-06-24T09:55:24.619-05:00I have my hot flashes at night.......as sung to the tune of "I Wear My Sunglasses at Night." Jeez Louise. I had gone several nights without hot flashes and wrongly assumed that I would continue to dodge the proverbial bullet. Last night proved me wrong and overly optimistic. <br />
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I do some of my worst thinking when I'm laying in bed, drenched in sweat. Things that don't seem so bad or like such a big deal during the day are major issues at 2am. Last night, I was planning to end friendships and dreaming of moving away. I also decided that I would be either buying a bigger bed or moving to the guest room because my husband was making me hotter. I did pause to acknowledge the fact that a shorter haircut is helpful when dealing with hot flashes. Less mass to make extra sweat on the back of my neck.<br />
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Modern medicine has done amazing things for infertile women and I am eternally grateful for the potions that will hopefully bring me a baby. I feel stupid complaining about something that is ultimately as inconsequential as a hot flash, but that's only in the light of day. At night, I wonder if it can possibly be worth it. There is a comparison to be made between waking up every few hours because of side effects and waking up every few hours if the medicine works and brings me a baby. I suppose it's all practice...Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-61403220068166574592012-06-08T12:15:00.000-05:002012-06-08T12:15:11.549-05:00Here we go again!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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That's the cheapest shipment I've ever gotten from my friends at Metro Drugs in NJ. $164 for the medicine for my upcoming frozen embryo transfer. $164 that brought all the emotions that I've been tamping down since last fall right back to the surface. It was like a scene from a movie; I signed for the delivery, shut the door and started crying. <br />
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I'm not the same person who posted pictures of medicine shipments and running totals last summer. Back then, I was brave and hopeful and my biggest worry was the money we were spending. Now, I know it's about so much more than the money and I'm more scared than I've ever been. It's about that tiny glimmer of hope that's still there. Fragile and hard to find sometimes, but it's still there. I want a baby and, for that chance, I'm willing to get back on the horse and start a new sharps container.<br />Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-50083369126581280172012-04-22T19:00:00.000-05:002012-04-22T19:03:17.872-05:00Don't Ignore...Common Sense--NIAW 2012Today is the beginning of National Infertility Awareness Week, part of RESOLVE's efforts to make the world more aware of the truths of infertility. Last year, I wrote a "myth-busting" blog entry. (Found <a href="http://mrsmroch.blogspot.com/2011/04/national-infertility-awareness-week.html" target="_blank">here).</a> This year's theme is "Don't ignore..." I've decided that my Don't Ignore message will be about common sense, something I've found woefully lacking in the general population since deciding to be open, at least in public if not on Facebook proper, about my struggle with infertility.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSOmPeJQBFTtkIYA8bRZTkotVExj3YnkWrzZ8PpruzG2z-V7CaM_-xis81XqXqi7Dq13PnSdZq4MkQgKxUz85kxBpC-SMmxyV_cZl_nUUMAROtDTVMkZBmwZfV3oufO51Z2KXmsjRSH3Ui/s1600/Infertility+Awareness.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSOmPeJQBFTtkIYA8bRZTkotVExj3YnkWrzZ8PpruzG2z-V7CaM_-xis81XqXqi7Dq13PnSdZq4MkQgKxUz85kxBpC-SMmxyV_cZl_nUUMAROtDTVMkZBmwZfV3oufO51Z2KXmsjRSH3Ui/s400/Infertility+Awareness.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I found this picture on Pinterest (from this <a href="http://lifeandloveinthepetridish.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">blog</a>) and it made me laugh out loud. So many of the things in this picture are things that I regularly hear my friends in the IF community complain that they've had said to them. A few of them are things that some of you, dear readers, have said to me. So, my blog for NIAW will be "Don't Ignore Common Sense." </div>
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If someone has the courage to share with you their struggle with infertility, they've likely been through a long and difficult silence where they were afriad that sharing would lead others (i.e. you) to judge them, pity them or otherwise think of them as "different." In reality, 1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility so the only thing "different" about us is that we're open about our struggle. If someone is confiding in you, they aren't looking for advice. They likely have a team of well-paid medical professionals (that they're paying out of pocket for, btw) giving them advice. Your infertile friends and family members don't need your advice, they need your support.</div>
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So, before, you say any of the things in the picture above, stop and ask yourself whether you're being supportive or if you're unintentionally causing pain. Don't say you understand if you haven't walked in these shoes. Don't tell us it's in God's plan unless you really believe that God wants crackheads and 16 year-olds to have babies but not us. Don't tell me I should adopt because then I'd get pregnant right away unless you're going to give me the $25-$45K it would take to adopt a baby. And, just like last year's advice, don't ever mention to me if you happened to get pregnant on your first try. Some things are better left unsaid. </div>
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For more information about NIAW and RESOLVE:</div>
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<li><a href="http://www.resolve.org/infertility101">http://www.resolve.org/infertility101</a> (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)</li>
<li><a href="http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html">http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html</a> (About NIAW)</li>Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-7426386318343105182012-03-31T20:29:00.001-05:002012-03-31T20:29:25.045-05:00It's a Wonder......anyone ever gets an old house sold and a new house bought without something in the middle falling apart. In order to close on our new house, the buyer of our old house must close on the house he's selling, get his financing sorted out to close on our house before we can close on the new house. This involves paperwork, home inspections, termite certifications, never-ending mortgage paperwork and on and on and on. <br />
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To this point, I have been running interference between the bank, our buyer and the people we are buying from. I have also been crazy busy at work (can we say 'Spring Testing'?) and have been trying to get my last two graduate classes finished up and take my comps. I finallly had enough on Friday and told Andrew he was going to have to deal with the bank. The never-ending stream of papers to sign and things to find and copy for the mortgage has done me in. He, of course, was perfectly willing to take the reigns which reminds me that I don't always have to do everything myself. <br />
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I crossed three things off my list today: I took my comps and ordered a kitchen table and a television console for the new bigscreen tv that Andrew is shopping for. The table is a Paula Deen and I absolutely love it!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM9UjHslPeI2kgwj4g-ni0BjxsfeAy0qOFX7TT5WrzRSYAZvAC3KjXCNkqEWbc4mxJs_t6wxIQimQH6UKbYUin_W60lSMVcVmVVzKCxo68lssngtcF1myBIhaUa29GiRQGhpBIUUGEyS86/s1600/PD+Table.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM9UjHslPeI2kgwj4g-ni0BjxsfeAy0qOFX7TT5WrzRSYAZvAC3KjXCNkqEWbc4mxJs_t6wxIQimQH6UKbYUin_W60lSMVcVmVVzKCxo68lssngtcF1myBIhaUa29GiRQGhpBIUUGEyS86/s320/PD+Table.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-81198238944087425222012-03-11T19:49:00.000-05:002012-03-11T19:53:17.633-05:00A New ObsessionI have happily postponed my FET to summer because I/we decided that my work schedule is too crazy to be running back and forth to the doctor and, more excitingly, we have decided that our income tax return (which is still an unknown amount) needs to sit in our savings account because we have bought a new house!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3J7dRqtNFlB7tzFwK6gazWoZSL2doGGeKF3iNG2zj1tjN7xaYfc5Gd75Q8w8gUTS0aa6MM0h4zNgw1EIPi_84N18c_Yg5BEYDOr-791Hgnjt_1XmV_YG_cqJT6uaoRdNnSlzgPussH-wA/s1600/listing+photo+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3J7dRqtNFlB7tzFwK6gazWoZSL2doGGeKF3iNG2zj1tjN7xaYfc5Gd75Q8w8gUTS0aa6MM0h4zNgw1EIPi_84N18c_Yg5BEYDOr-791Hgnjt_1XmV_YG_cqJT6uaoRdNnSlzgPussH-wA/s320/listing+photo+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
After going back and forth on whether to build or buy for several years, we happily discovered that one of the few houses that we have both always loved was for sale and in our price range. After several rounds of back and forth offers, we got a deal that we believe is fair and a closing date at the end of May. With no contingency to sell our house, we are now living on borrowed time and need a quick sale on our current house. This, of course, scares the crap out of me. People keep assuring me that we will have no trouble selling our house but the mere thought of having two mortgages scares the crap out of me!Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-53339973221482115802012-01-22T10:34:00.003-06:002012-01-22T10:34:54.283-06:00Update and Cart Before the HorseI have finally made the big call and got myself on the FET calendar for my next cycle. This is a bit misleading, as I almost always need Provera to start a new cycle so all this really means is that I'll be cycling when I suck it up and take those ten little pills. At any rate, it's reassuring to know that my FET will be a Lupron/Estrodial Valerate two-month doozy. Some FET cycles are short and minimally altered by meds. As someone whose own hormones are unpredictable, I prefer cycles where they suppress and totally replace instead of crossing my fingers that my body behaves. I can be patient. <br />
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It's Sunday and I started a new feature one week ago today, so here is my CBTH item for the week:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEO_7V3Kljeq2QR-u_65WL2pTwWQOrmMDSq42er1FtPbqQlV09HlA0wwatLlH_7VQvMVcBSdojCqOntnkHvrFuCzPi8MLp7QT9x5sIcl7AdSfy1gIQBdDUbCxudIyTklQq3op1JXt8srWH/s1600/Eames+Rocking+Chair.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="160" nfa="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEO_7V3Kljeq2QR-u_65WL2pTwWQOrmMDSq42er1FtPbqQlV09HlA0wwatLlH_7VQvMVcBSdojCqOntnkHvrFuCzPi8MLp7QT9x5sIcl7AdSfy1gIQBdDUbCxudIyTklQq3op1JXt8srWH/s320/Eames+Rocking+Chair.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">the essential-to-every-modern-nursery Eames rocking chair<br />
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I'm all over the place with nursery design style, but I love the look of the classic Eames rocking chair. I can see myself blowing the budget on one of these and then scrambling to buy stuff like a crib and changing table. Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-2050105870765039412012-01-15T21:15:00.001-06:002012-01-15T21:17:53.910-06:00Cart Before the HorseMy blog has taken on a decidedly unhappy tone lately. I know some of you out there are worried about my state of mind and I appreciate your encouragement and concern. I promise I'm not depressed all the time. Sooo, in an effort to bring some sparkle back to my blog, I'm going to add a regular feature that I'll call "Cart Before the Horse." That's a bump phrase that's used for any baby-related browsing or shopping that happens before pregnancy. It also happens to be one of my very favorite things to do on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I'm going to share some of the things I've been dying to buy and make for the almost three (yikes!) years since I started trying to have a baby.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOi-hpQL2ANnQhHh3lpL3mEO_k7vZpz5rsACNhH_lu7xy8-1d3FOCyErn_Ecy-RPiNI97oe4Y7f-I7TVdFkLUnLi5Dzx0gsDMak2uFiZZzWuHL1SLi2GNP4ir1_UHYicxuPlNr5XEDC9h1/s1600/Fruit+Punch+by+Timeless+Treasures.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOi-hpQL2ANnQhHh3lpL3mEO_k7vZpz5rsACNhH_lu7xy8-1d3FOCyErn_Ecy-RPiNI97oe4Y7f-I7TVdFkLUnLi5Dzx0gsDMak2uFiZZzWuHL1SLi2GNP4ir1_UHYicxuPlNr5XEDC9h1/s320/Fruit+Punch+by+Timeless+Treasures.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Item Number One: Fruit Punch fabric by Timeless Treasures. I'm not sure what I would make out of this fabric, but I'm pretty sure I could design an entire nursery using apples and this color scheme. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsb4c7ubmoM7U-I4QTFZSkS2PCI3fJfQg8tS-0FyKVC0OgDb1D9ZP2g8XWiiz3GhmnzS3-11zQX0rM1eUVSedn4328PJnqB5SGmOUsk1id4jdp2o0cl6FxgCVowTJ4JBeDgfB6cjGXASRr/s1600/Anthropologie+Dream+Menagerie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsb4c7ubmoM7U-I4QTFZSkS2PCI3fJfQg8tS-0FyKVC0OgDb1D9ZP2g8XWiiz3GhmnzS3-11zQX0rM1eUVSedn4328PJnqB5SGmOUsk1id4jdp2o0cl6FxgCVowTJ4JBeDgfB6cjGXASRr/s320/Anthropologie+Dream+Menagerie.jpg" width="214" /></a></div>
Item Number Two: Dream Menagerie rug by Anthropologie. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht5DXbIN88oZrBEHUmIt-cZ9UUBSBz2pIvIWlcKsvP9TbhZxc-CFn6ITjJ6yrHex5bXY95NxH5fpQQnacARbUkDjNk8CjVHpxm7mm-JMk4o453SFX4OQjmpnM6Gr5k9bsn-PGMZ-i05c4G/s1600/Gus+and+Lula+on+Etsy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEht5DXbIN88oZrBEHUmIt-cZ9UUBSBz2pIvIWlcKsvP9TbhZxc-CFn6ITjJ6yrHex5bXY95NxH5fpQQnacARbUkDjNk8CjVHpxm7mm-JMk4o453SFX4OQjmpnM6Gr5k9bsn-PGMZ-i05c4G/s320/Gus+and+Lula+on+Etsy.jpg" width="249" /></a></div>
Item Number Three: Gus and Lula print from Etsy. This was featured recently on a style board from Lay Baby Lay. I guess thinking of IF like an adventure is appropriate, no? This strays from my aqua-centered nursery ideas in items one and two but gray/yellow is one of my other favorite color sets.<br />
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So, what do you think? Is it nutso to be making a shopping list for things I can't buy?Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-42411017967513447022012-01-11T19:27:00.000-06:002012-01-12T18:32:00.209-06:00IF's Common Thread<a href="http://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_1388338627"></span><span id="goog_1388338628"></span><br />
<a href="http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread/">IF's Common Thread</a><br />
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Some really great ladies in the online IF community started wearing a bracelet made of a specific kind and color embroidery thread to signify that they are a part of the IF community. It serves many purposes, but one of the goals is to educate the world about infertility. If you wear the pomegranate bracelet and someone asks you about it, you're supposed to share your story and hopefully do your part to end the shame and embarrassment that too often accompany infertility by being open and honest with people you might not ordinarily open up to. The bracelet is also a way for a PAIF (pregnant after infertility) woman to reach out to those of us who are still trying to get pregnant. It says, "I know what you're going through. I've been there and I know how lucky I am." What a great message, something one of the original ladies likened to a secret handshake. <br />
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The ladies on thebump are putting together a Common Thread event and soon I'll be sporting a bracelet the color of pomegranates (which are said to increase fertility). Ask me about it if you see me!<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-JVPwxphhvpHZjh68IEm1wgmwnHtnlrTmdWQog9PUcmr0b1SK2NEPuElL62eJCeWVcCQkF3mMDLuC64ccSW-Ap70Qet45Wv_yxKnP2JIlyQSlpHd8NdPVCSFx3Vu8ILI7r5LFWKzmK91u/s1600/pom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" kba="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-JVPwxphhvpHZjh68IEm1wgmwnHtnlrTmdWQog9PUcmr0b1SK2NEPuElL62eJCeWVcCQkF3mMDLuC64ccSW-Ap70Qet45Wv_yxKnP2JIlyQSlpHd8NdPVCSFx3Vu8ILI7r5LFWKzmK91u/s1600/pom.jpg" /></a></div>Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-48769600804779034862012-01-03T21:04:00.000-06:002012-01-11T19:27:33.385-06:00Is it 2012 Already?January, 2012 has been rolling around in my head since we found out we were not getting a take-home baby out of our IVF cycle. From that time, we automatically agreed (with zero discussing) that we would wait until "after the first of the year" to try a FET. At the time, it sounded like far enough in the future to not worry about. As in, "we have to wait foreverrrr to try again so I might as well not even think about getting mentally prepared for it." <br />
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::fastforward through a busy semester::<br />
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Now it's January, 2012 and it's time to get back on the crazy train. Only I'm scared. The reason they tell you to get back on the horse that's thrown you is because if you wait, you'll lose your nerve. I've waited and now I've lost my nerve. From January until September last year I was rolling from one cycle into another and never had time to second guess my decisions. Now I'm haunted by the question, "At what point do we cut our losses and say we won't spend any more?"<br />
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I've sent the email to my clinic's financial director asking for the itemized list of my clinic expenses last year. I even opened a new email to send to my IVF nurse, sweet Rebecca, to tell her we will (hopefully) be ready to roll as soon as we get our taxes done. Then I closed it and had a good little cry. I am totally not mentally prepared for another failed cycle. One almost did me in. Two is unfathomable. <br />
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I read a bump signature today of a woman who got pregnant for the first time after four fresh cycles and a frozen cycle. I am in awe of the strength it must have taken to keep going time after time. Even without taking into account the fact that we could never afford that many cycles, I could not withstand the emotional trauma. Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-60324785256223348752011-12-30T22:00:00.001-06:002012-01-11T19:28:34.514-06:00New Year's ResolutionsI always make a giant list of resolutions for the new year in hopes that I will manage to live up to one or two of them, therefore having a "successful" resolution. Last year's list had one that I kept all year (Stop storing food on top of the fridge. It's tacky) and several that I at least kept in mind all year (No sweats in public. Stop allowing fingernails to look like those of a deranged cannibal.) This year I only have five. Since one of them involves you, dear almost non-existent readers, I will share them.<br />
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1. Blog at least once per week and share existence of blog with people. IRL and otherwise.<br />
2. Stop wearing sweats in public. (So worth doing, I'm recycling it from last year although it's darn tempting to run out to Food Giant in my yoga pants and a hoodie.)<br />
3. One soda per day (I was down to one Diet Mtn. Dew during my IVF cycle and then chucked my progress out the window. Stupid move on my part.)<br />
4. Eat slowly.<br />
5. Keep a journal with the following information daily (idea from Pinterest): Peaks, Pits, Prayers, and Praises <br />
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Nothing noble. Nothing impossible. I like 'em. I've got 24 hours to add any others I dream up. I'll keep you posted.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-60963486395912550682011-12-04T19:31:00.001-06:002012-01-11T19:27:33.389-06:00Holding OnI haven't posted in over two months, mostly because I don't really have any updates to share. But also in part due to the fact that I know some of my former students are readers and I don't want them (or anyone else who has stumbled in) to hear what my inner dialogue has been lately. I'm that bitter person that others don't want to be around, in person or in cyberspace. I hate being that person and I hate that anyone who knows me well can see it but I can't seem to shake it. Being pregnant and then having it disappear has left its mark and I don't know how to fix it. Time is supposed to heal all wounds but infertility is like that big festering sore that keeps getting ripped open and therefore can never heal properly. <br />
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We have been on hold, trying to save and pay off our debt from IVF while waiting for an income tax return that will pay for a FET. Unfortunately, I've read too many randoms internet posts about how disappointed other IVFers were that itemizations on Schedule A didn't make that big of a difference on their tax return and now I've convinced myself that we won't get anything back and won't be able to cycle in February. I had just assumed that having $21,612.92 in medical expenses to claim was going to guarantee a big return when added to the $5,500 in tuition we also paid out in 2011 (yes, we spent that much, no it's not all paid for, yes we did also manage to pay the mortgage and buy groceries on teacher salaries with no help from anyone).<br />
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While we've been waiting, my sister had her baby and I love her to pieces. Lindsey gets sister of the year honors for trying so hard to be considerate of my feelings. I hate that she feels like she has to walk on eggshells around me but appreciate that she makes the effort. Two close friends also announced their pregnancies on the same day and I cried big ugly, jealous tears in a bathroom at a work meeting. Not one but two of my work friends came right into the bathroom behind me to offer their support. I am that obvious when I'm hurting. No suffering in silence for me. <br />
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One of the ladies on the bump pointed out a long time ago that someone else having a baby doesn't take away my chance at that baby that's out there waiting for me but it punches me in the gut and sucks the air out of my lungs when a pregnancy announcement comes out of nowhere. Again, I hate being that person but I don't know how to stop it. I'm still resisting those happy pills in my medicine cabinet but don't really remember why I was so adamant that I wasn't going to take them.<br />
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I'm hanging on, but just by a thread. I found this on Pinterest and needed to hear it today, so I thought I'd share. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRdUvjr7XDmvX6L1QKIBqfjkjF1TjKT9R31RTcS7WS7CGrD7IXdAJN_-rgdhPgk_QZOH8TcovEn5n6KGBozkVkFDZCeMnS_gcUPLFr4feu6oWLO7_G1H4-M40OyAG0JAPDXvxW-hbvWj-7/s1600/hope+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" dda="true" height="283" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRdUvjr7XDmvX6L1QKIBqfjkjF1TjKT9R31RTcS7WS7CGrD7IXdAJN_-rgdhPgk_QZOH8TcovEn5n6KGBozkVkFDZCeMnS_gcUPLFr4feu6oWLO7_G1H4-M40OyAG0JAPDXvxW-hbvWj-7/s320/hope+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-64140365461693168402011-09-30T17:18:00.002-05:002012-01-11T19:27:33.391-06:00The Stages of GriefAnger is one of the stages of grief and that's where I'm at this week. I was really sad when I first found out I was losing my baby. Now, I'm mad. I'm mad at the baby for not sticking around. I'm mad that I cried the night before I turned 30 because I am now an age by which many people are finished having kids and I don't even have the first one. I'm mad because stupid people have babies and I don't. I'm mad because Andrew and I have spent almost twenty thousand dollars trying to get pregnant and have only an early loss and monthly payments to show for it. I'm mad because people keep telling me stupid stuff like, "Stay positive and it'll happen," "so-and-so got pregnant as soon as they stopped trying," and "at least you get to try again." We may get to try again but I don't know many people who have to come up with five grand every time they want to TRY to get pregnant. <br /><br />Maybe acceptance is a stage that's coming and maybe someday I'll stop wanting to punch everyone who tells me that relaxing will help me get pregnant. I'll believe it when I see it. Until then, I'm going to keep right on being mad that people can go through so much and have so little to show for it. <em></em>Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-79009996971221234962011-09-22T16:55:00.003-05:002012-01-11T19:27:33.394-06:00No May BabyIt was positive. Then it was negative. I am crushed.<br /><br />We will try again but only after we have paid off some of the money we owe for this cycle (at least the part that is on the credit card) and have enough money for a FET.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-28167309910651341322011-09-13T18:11:00.003-05:002012-01-11T19:27:56.024-06:00Time Flies, Until it Doesn'tIt's almost time. Time for THE test. Time for the end. By the way, I made it through this cycle with amazingly fantastic yield. After being cancelled for not responding, the light switch flipped and I got 38 eggs, an unheard-of number. Of these, 33 were mature and 25 fertilized. All 25 were still growing on the day of my transfer. We transferred two and 19 of the 23 remaining were good enough to freeze, also an unheard-of number. <br /><br />As much as I know I am blessed to have a lifetime of frozen blasts to use for FET (frozen embryo transfer), I also know that Andrew and I don't have the $5,000 we would need to go from a BFN to an FET cycle. So, I am absolutetly torn up waiting for the results of my fresh cycle. Absolutely torn up and it doesn't help that I am taking double hormone shots in the bottom every night. I'm a mess.<br /><br />Please, oh please, let this test be positive. Of all the tests I've taken in my life, I've never wanted to pass one as badly as I want to pass this test.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-56211241645172716052011-08-22T17:53:00.002-05:002012-01-11T19:27:56.035-06:00Back on TrackI'm on Day Three of stims for IVF 1.2. I cried last night for no good reason, so I'm telling myself that my hormones are kicking because I'm responding "so much better" than I did before. I literally had NO symptoms the last time I stimmed.
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<br />I had my suppression check last Thursday and my nurse said I have a "ridiculous" number of follicles and should get a great response. While that made me feel good, I also had a good AFC (antral follicle count=the number of microfollicles that <em>might </em>grow into eggs) last time and didn't respond worth a poop. I'm anxious for my first follicle check tomorrow to see if any of the little boogers are growing.
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<br />Please, oh please, let me get through this cycle. I feel like if something happens and I get cancelled again, I will give up and not try again.
<br />Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-46000185324984228492011-07-19T14:54:00.002-05:002012-01-11T19:27:56.028-06:00I Had Visitors!In spite of the fact that I don't advertise the fact that I have a blog, two of my very favorite former students happened across my humble little blog and apparently read the whole thing. I got a very lovely message on Facebook this morning that made my day. It's so very nice to know that my kiddos, grown-ups that they are, still remember me fondly. One of the many reasons that I want to have kids is because I have had the pleasure of knowing so many absolutely wonderful students and getting to see them grow up. Thanks, James and Lisa!Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-73659624906922242962011-07-12T18:03:00.002-05:002011-07-19T14:54:35.417-05:00I Got CancelledYep. This cycle is over before it had a chance to work. Given the high number of follicles I had before this cycle started, the doctor was very disappointed that I only had five growing on the tenth day of stimming. This led to the decision to call it quits on this cycle and use the remaining money in our account at the clinic for another cycle. This way, we are only out the cost of the medicine for this cycle and the pro-rated costs of the monitoring I've had so far. The doctor is hopeful that a new protocol with more aggressive dosages will yield more eggs.<br /><br />I'm so disappointed. I know this is the logical decision and that it is designed to maximize our money, but I'm sooo ready to be off this crazy train. I had been sure that I was either going back to school pregnant or having given up on fertility treatments. Now, I'll be cycling during the beginning of the new year.Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-41322434468845414212011-07-09T08:29:00.003-05:002011-07-19T14:54:35.418-05:00I Know This FeelingI've been here before. Kim starts treatment with great hopes. Treatment proceeds. It becomes obvious that Kim is not responding "normally" to said treatment. <br /><br />It should come to no surprise (to me at least) that I'm a slow responder to the FSH injections. It still stings to have two follie checks under my belt and only minimal follice growth. My e2 level has plateaued so I will be increasing my dosage and likely stimming for an extra day or two. Nothing devastating and this doesn't mean my cycle won't proceed well. It's just another disappointment in a long line of disappointing treatment cycles.<br /><br />I'm attempting to pull myself up by my bootstraps and get my positive outlook back.<br /><br />Today's Cost: $700 for extra shots. (Offset by the $300 I made working with my brother this week)Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7045776426027091087.post-62829416489183498512011-07-02T21:18:00.006-05:002011-07-19T14:54:35.418-05:00Shot One!Shot One is in the history books! The needle is tiny and didn't hurt at all. It stung a bit after it went in, but nothing worth thinking about. The hardest part was getting the hang of drawing up the liquid and then mixing it in three vials of powder and ending up with the same amount you started with. I wasted one needle tip when I put the wrong one on, but I have gobs of needles, so no worries.<br /><br /><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624945833855706082" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI8ACJzKzfuPxzbnSRjEzHDmuzfM25-47q8r_8ljEyBcWvUriLTPrp6SSUbT48_qOtAPEV11OBlrEaNY7OW717xb_gzl4gvi5RMv839E0JlEJbo3pGMwA_7p9vKtc5oagp8jo-mvO_eEvE/s320/001.JPG" /><br /><br /><div align="center">$160 worth of Bravelle (follice stimulating hormone to make the eggies grow)</div><br /><p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624945608136239042" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXros7L20KGyjkUu8AkCBwmjiSwiUIm-1P9YwXCJx9R62-j5CfMKlodZf7__jLhAuU3hCA9cgAosYQTrxBNE9bZYnEut0bwEyWGnB8Oj7OBVlCfsyAIvSs66-R9_xxtUcr5hX9ub2V0URs/s320/003.JPG" /> </p><br /><p align="center">My first deposit in the sharps container!<br /></p><br /><p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 240px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5624945427827000178" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4nRtuU3aa04R0ZzQzAGh003NirBgZlqWbuXm9tDeB-oPpWtx32CrHLu29A5uI9VSWSQekcyV0eBJ0aIYTII1-QLve13rBYn-Xe68XlZCNpAnN7u10wHwVl4lsEfi4xDH2ZF4P59mgfZGH/s320/004.JPG" /></p><br /><p align="center">The Cherry Limeade cupcake from Gigi's that I've been saving since Thursday to treat myself after the first injection!!</p><br /><p align="left">If you got any spare warm thoughts and/or prayers, please say a few that these eggs start growing!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></p>Mrs. Mrochhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07285621033709056523noreply@blogger.com0