New Year's Resolutions

I always make a giant list of resolutions for the new year in hopes that I will manage to live up to one or two of them, therefore having a "successful" resolution.  Last year's list had one that I kept all year (Stop storing food on top of the fridge.  It's tacky) and several that I at least kept in mind all year (No sweats in public.  Stop allowing fingernails to look like those of a deranged cannibal.)  This year I only have five.  Since one of them involves you, dear almost non-existent readers, I will share them.

1.  Blog at least once per week and share existence of blog with people.  IRL and otherwise.
2.  Stop wearing sweats in public.  (So worth doing, I'm recycling it from last year although it's darn tempting to run out to Food Giant in my yoga pants and a hoodie.)
3.  One soda per day (I was down to one Diet Mtn. Dew during my IVF cycle and then chucked my progress out the window.  Stupid move on my part.)
4.  Eat slowly.
5.  Keep a journal with the following information daily (idea from Pinterest): Peaks, Pits, Prayers, and Praises

Nothing noble.  Nothing impossible.  I like 'em.  I've got 24 hours to add any others I dream up.  I'll keep you posted.

Yep, I'm a Planner!

Andrew and I spent the first half of the day in IVF class. I loved it. Lots of information and an official IVF calendar that's just for ME! Of course, the financial session was no fun, but I'm choosing to think of it as the best way in the world to spend the equivalent of the cost of a mediocre car...

When my next cycle starts, I'll go back on birth control. Everyone always points out the irony of starting bcps when most of us stopped them months (in our case--years) ago when we decided to start ttgp. I'm past irony; I'm ready for some action that involves a fairly decent chance of finally ending up with a baby or TWO! From there, it's shots and more shots.

My IVF nurse is wonderful and coincidentally has a music degree, so Andrew thought she was swell. She said it was a great time at their clinic and lots of people seemed to be having great cycles. I'll take all the good karma I can get and have decided to think of this as the "perfect time" for us to get pregnant.

As a side note, my husband (admitted needle-phobe) made it through the shot class portion of the morning with no major incident. According to him, the needles are much smaller in real life than he'd imagined. I still think I will be having a nurse friend give me the ones that I can't reach to do myself, but it's nice to know he might could do it if the need arises.

Things are looking up at the Mroch house! Any doctor's visit that ends with a calendar party is fun times in my book!

Hello, Old Friends

Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later by Francine Pascal (A)--nostalgia for the dozens of Sweet Valley books that I read when I was younger dictates the "A" for this book. What better than a reunion book that allows me to revisit trusted companions that I practically grew up with? I'll pretend not to notice that everything was a bit too predictable and a bit like poor Francine is out of touch with modern times. I was also a bit worried that time isn't moving just right in Sweet Valley. The twins were in high school when I was in middle school and now they are younger than me... Nonetheless, I'll read a reunion book with characters I loved as a youngster any day of the week.

March-April Reading List

It's almost the end of March and I'm just now adding my first book for the month to the list. That, by itself, is a clear indication of how crazy busy work has been lately. I have to remind myself daily that the same thing happens every year right before Spring Break. I'm tired, frustrated, and too aware of all the things that I would have liked to accomplish this school year that have fallen by the wayside. So, without further ado, the only book I've read this month: 1. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot (A)--When I picked this book up at Target, the description sounded vaguely familiar. The front cover says, "Doctors took her cells without asking. Those cells never died. They launched a medical revolution and a multimillion-dollar industry. More than twenty years later, her children found out. Their lives would never be the same." I don't read non-fiction that often, especially books about science-related topics, but this book tells a story that is so hard to believe, it might as well be science fiction. A poor black woman who was dying of cervical cancer had a cell culture taken without her permission. Doctors began growing HeLa cells and discovered that her cancer cells were invincible. They now makeup a large majority of the cells that are used for many types of medical research. They've been to space, been blown up with an atomic bomb, and have even been used in cloning research. All the while, her family has not benefitted from their use and can, in fact, not even afford health insurance.

April Reading- 1. The Shadow of Your Smile-(B) by Mary Higgins Clark--I still haven't figured out what the title means, but I like the subject of this suspense novel from the queen of suspense. A $6 treat from Wal-Mart.

Once More, With Feeling

My appointment with Dr. S. went just about as expected. He ordered a progesterone check (to see if I ovulated) and a beta (blood pregnancy test). I got the results today and both were negative, as expected. A different nurse called with the results than I usually deal with and she was speaking softly and quietly when she told me the pregnancy test was negative. Bless her heart, she didn't realize that I've taken more pregnancy tests than Michelle Duggar and not one single solitary one has ever been positive. I certainly didn't expect this one to be. My temperature chart clearly showed that I hadn't ovulated so the beta was a mere formality before I could get the Provera to start a new cycle (above, at left). I will also be taking a double dose of Femara this go-round (right). How funny that nearly every medicine you take trying to get pregnant comes with the giant pregnancy warning sticker??

The kicker to the appointment was the stinging news that, if the increased dose of Femara doesn't make me ovulate, I'm done with Dr. S. and will be moving on to a doctor at Nashville Fertility Center, the same fate I was trying to avoid by switching doctors in the first place. While I honestly appreciate the fact that he isn't willing to waste cycle upon cycle trying to get pills to work, I'm not looking forward to the shots that will be my fate if this doesn't work. I'm scared to death that this won't work. Of course, that stresses me out when I think about it, which makes me stress about how stress is causing me to stress...

Dr. S. is not a fan of temperature charting because he says watching it every day tends to stress people out and that there is no need for charting in order to figure out if I've ovulated because his monitoring does the same thing more accurately. I've never been able to give up temping for more than a week or two but am seriously considering giving it up. If I do, I will also give up the ovulation predictor kits (OPKs), urine strips that detect the hormone surge that happens at the time of ovulation. This would also mean that when the nurse calls with blood test results next month, it would truly be a surprise...stay tuned.

In the meanwhile, what in the world am I going to do to decrease my stress level?!

Stupid Stinking Ovaries

Grrrrr. I'm mad at my ovaries today. I'm at the point in my first cycle on Femara that it's becoming painfully obvious that I'm not going to respond. I still have a tiny smidge of hope since it was at about this time in my first and second cycle on Clomid that I pulled out a surprise O. However, there is a general consensus on Dr. Google that O'ing late in your cycle can cause egg quality issues.

I knew this was coming, partly because nice surprises never happen to me and having the first cycle of Femara work would definitely be a nice surprise. Also because the bloodwork I had at my last appointment with Dr. S. showed that my LH:FSH ratio was out-of-whack, which is an indicator of PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). I got these results from the nurse on the phone and asked her about metformin (a medicine commonly given to PCOS patients) and she said the doctor hadn't mentioned it. I didn't push it, thinking (always the optimist) that maybe the first cycle of Femara would do the trick and I wouldn't have to worry about met and the tummy troubles that generally accompany it.

I'm going back to see Dr. S. on Friday to talk about what we're going to do next since I didn't respond to the lowest dose of Femara. I know this isn't a major catastrophe, but it has been harder for me than the failed doses of Clomid were. Maybe it's the fact that I'm further into the ttc journey and I'm just tireder in general. Maybe it's the hype I read on the internet about how well Femara works for people who didn't have any luck with Clomid. Maybe I'm just hearing the ticking of that darn clock now that I'm inching closer and closer to my thirtieth birthday. IF sucks.

February Reading List

1. Chasing the Night by Iris Johansen (B)-another Eve Duncan book. The foreign plots aren't plausible enough for my liking, but I do keep reading the Eve Duncan books. This one ended with another twist in the search for Eve's daughter Bonnie's remains. I'll keep checking them out of the library until that part of the story wraps up. Western Kentucky has had more snow this week than I've ever seen at one time here in my lifetime so I've been snow day reading to keep myself from eating everything in the house.

2. Death Echo by Elizabeth Lowell (B)--this was one of the first authors that I noticed repeating the same storyline over and over again. I read several of her books all at once and they all seemed to follow the same pattern--world-leery man falls in love with woman, has a demanding and dangerous job, decides that the woman has betrayed him, finally realizes she didn't. This is a newer Lowell book and has the requisite world-leery man who falls for a beautiful woman. I kept reading, expecting a misunderstanding that would make him think his new love had betrayed him. Thankfully, this one was different. Hats off to Elizabeth Lowell for getting out of her rut.

3. Wench by Dolen Perkins-Valdez (A)--the story of slaveowners who took their black mistresses on vacations. Full of insight into the complicated relationships between slaveowners and their slaves.

4. The Postmistress by Sarah Blake (A)-- a Massachusetts postmaster in the early years of WWII watches the people in the town around her react to the war before it becomes an American war while an American CBS correspondent gets wrapped up in the stories that no one back home will pay attention to.

Hurry Up and Wait

This is all I seem to do. Hurry up and get a doctor's appointment and then wait for bloodwork reults. Hurry up and get a prescription filled and then wait for the medicine to kick in. Hurry up and get home so I can wait for A to get home from work. Hurry up and finish my master's degree so I can wait to get pregnant.

I read a blog post earlier about the difficulty of keeping a positive attitude while ttc and laughed out loud when I read the following--I try to think of my cup as half-full but lately I've been thinking someone knocked my cup over. I feel like that more and more lately.

My Homemade Rating Scale

Those two old guys already took the "two thumbs up" format of reviewing, so I need something that makes sense to me and will let anyone who happens to have stumbled on my blog to see exactly how enthusiastically I'm endorsing any given book that I've read. It goes something like this:

A-Absolutely loved it and will be purchasing any others I come across by the same author
B-Will be checking to see if the library has others by the same author
C-Finished it but won't be looking for sequels
D-Didn't care for it and wouldn't have finished it if I were that kind of person

I really try not to buy very many books. I read so many so quickly that it seems a poor use of our money. If I love an author and/or can't find what I want at the library, I look on Amazon (love the free Super Saver Shipping) for a good deal and, in moments of weakness, buy books at Walmart or Target. I usually only pay cover price at a bookstore when I have a giftcard.

January, 2011--A New Format

I struggled with how to format my reading list for 2010. I wasn't happy with one giant post because it didn't automatically go to the top when I updated it. I wasn't happy with the one-book-per-post format because it seemed to waste too much space. Soooo, for 2011, I'll try a post-per-month style. Here's January:

1. The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith (B-)---my husband's aunt is in Botswana with the Peace Corps so I thought this would be a nice read. I liked the main character and will probably read whatever other Ladies' books the library has. I like them enough to read from the library but not enough to purchase...

2. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (A)---This is how I felt when I ventured into the young adult section to read the Harry Potter books and the Twilight saga. "Yeah, I don't think I'm going to like this but will read it because all the cool kids seem to be reading it. OMG. I loved it. Must read all others!" This is the January selection for an online book club I've joined and think that this book is proof that I need reading buddies. I would never have picked this for myself. I loved it and am grateful to the TTGP Book Club for getting me to read it.

3. Tears of the Giraffe by Alexander McCall Smith (B-)--the second book in the No. 1 Ladies' Detective series. Not a fan of the title, which makes absolutely no sense until the last two pages of the book and, even then, doesn't fit with the story. A slower pace than the first book. I have third and fourth books from the library but I doubt I'll read all the way to the tenth.

4. A Gate at the Stairs by Lorrie Moore-(C)-this was on my amazon list for a long while until I ran across the book at Borders with a giftcard hot in my hand. As with most well-reviewed books, I found it hard to connect too. The characters were a bit too strange for my liking.

5. Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (Hunger Games #2)-(A-)-my school's library finally had a copy of this to check out, so I jumped right back into the Hunger Games world. This one seemed to lack the substance and plot development of the first.

6. Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (Hunger Games #3)-(A)-this one was almost as good as the first, although I thought the ending was too abrupt and seemed say "let's tie up all the loose ends as quickly as possible." I was happy that Peeta and Katniss ended up together, but was horribly disappointed that Gale just kinda dropped out of sight. Overall, I'm very glad to have read this series.

And One More for Good Measure

#101-12.27.10
The Elegance of the Hedgehog-by Muriel Barbery---This book had words upon words in it that I didn't know. I liked the feeling of being back in Honors Lit in college when I did my reading with my trusty American Heritage College Dictionary at my side. I was just getting really involved in the storyline when it abruptly ended with a twist I did not care for. Although, I am still thinking about the twist two days later, so perhaps it was better to have ended in a way that I didn't like than with the cliche happy ending I was hoping for.

#100! 12 24 10

Unbearable Lightness by Portia de Rossi--Ellen and Portia are one of my favorite Hollywood couples so I knew I had to read Portia's book when I heard Ellen talking about it on her show. It was heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. The story of battling her weight and struggling with being gay in Hollywood was intense and I am impressed with her ability to tell the most private of struggles with so much detail and honesty. I buy very few hardback books; this one is a keeper.

Getting to 100 books in 2010 has made me realize that I read for more than just the simple love of reading. It is a form of escapism and has helped me get through some of the parts of 2010 that I don't care to relive, namely my ever-present struggle with infertility. Here's to hoping 2011 doesn't require so much reading material.

#99 12 21 10

The Face of Deception by Iris Johansen--another Eve Duncan book; might actually be the original Eve Duncan. I can see how the character has developed and will have to find some of the middle books to figure out how Joe got rid of his wife and finally got Eve to commit. One more...

#98 12 20 10

Quicksand by Iris Johansen--another Eve Duncan forensics thriller, this one better than Stalemate. I do wish they had titles that were a better match for the actual story. This one had precious little quicksand in it. Two more to go and more than a week left in 2o1o!

#97 12 19 10

Ford County Stories by John Grisham--I usually hate short story collections because they read too fast and each story seems to lack development. These stories were better-than-average and there was also a quick visit from Harry Rex, one of my favorite Grisham characters.

#9612 16 10

Stalemate by Iris Johansen--Love Eve Duncan, although Colombian drug lord storyline was a tad farfetched.

#95 12.15.10

New York by Edward Rutherfurd--860 pages of yummy historical fiction. This book, although fictional, could be the textbook for teaching a US History class through the lens of the most American of cities. I loved every bit of it!

#94 12 12 10

Body of Lies by Iris Johansen--I've accidentally stumbled upon a romance/thriller series with the same basic set of central characters. I have a bit of a literary crush on Sean Galen. I'll be going promptly to the library in the morning to get the rest of them.

#93 12 11 10

Sacred Hearts by Sarah Dunant--I've been fascinated lately with Renaissance Era nuns and the women that became nuns for a variety of reasons, especially those that were sent to convents against their will. This actually took me a while to read, but was very worthwhile. I'll probably find Dunant's other Renaissance books to read.

#92 12 10 10

Dead Aim by Iris Johansen--I'm a sucker for the Grade B kind of romance/suspense hybrids.. This one had some pseudo science explanation for thermal vents and creating weapons of mass destruction using the power of the earth. Not real believable, but good characters who predictably fall in love under stressful circumstances.